Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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