she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
love makes seman taste better
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
