Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
