Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
