dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
