For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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