Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
