and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize