this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
