Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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