I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
