Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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