When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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