You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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