Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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