a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
