I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
