we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
