Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
