Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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