i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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