I looked at my own cervix.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
