I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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