I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
