Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
