the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
