We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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