either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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