Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize