She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
