You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
