so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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