in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
