I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
