my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
