brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
