My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize