I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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