im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
