i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize