Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
