I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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