yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
