Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
