I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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