I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
