i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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