I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
