I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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