I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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