I'm eating all of the evidence.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
