Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
