I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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