i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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