I want to stick my p in your. b.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
