This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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