When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
