WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
