I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
