Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
do herpes really smell.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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