He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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