Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
