I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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