halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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