I'm drive I can fine osifer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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