you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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