i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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