If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
