Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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