There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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